Screen Smart Families: Breaking Free from Media Guilt and Shame
Dr. Carla Engelbrecht is an expert in educational technology and CEO and Founder of Betweened, expertly curated, family-friendly entertainment (iOS and Android). Her writing focuses on helping caregivers connect with kids through technology.
This is the time of year when "screen-free summer" posts are all over our feeds, amplifying the collective anxiety we're seeing every day in discussions of Jonathan Haidt’s work (End the Phone Based Childhood Now vs The Panic Over Smartphones Doesn’t Help Teens) and ongoing media reports like the recent U.S. surgeon general push for warning labels on social media for teens.
The reality, however, is that most families can’t—or don’t want to—have a completely screen-free summer.
Whether parenting solo, managing multiple jobs or kids, travel delays, or any number of other reasons, caregivers have enough guilt and shame about screen time and definitely don’t need to feel judged on top of it all.
Instead we should be focusing on helping families have Screen Smart Summers, leveraging technology as a tool, making intentional decisions about the role of screens in our lives, and supporting kids in developing mindful media habits. As someone who’s spent 25 years producing, researching, and creating content and products for some of the most beloved family entertainment brands, here’s how to think about supporting families in becoming Screen Smart.
Screens are a Tool
Adopt a mindset that our devices are tools with lots of different uses/purposes (communication, entertainment, connection, learning, etc). Just as we use different modes of transportation for different purposes, we can think about how to leverage technology appropriately in various scenarios.
Going to work in Manhattan? → Use the subway.
Traveling cross-country? → Take a plane.
Visiting a neighbor? → Hop on a bike.
Want to learn a DIY skill? → Watch a video
Looking for a like-minded community of people to share an interest? → Join a moderated community
Want to share news with a friend in a foreign country? → Video chat
Want to tell a story? → Make a video
We simply can’t lump all screen experiences together. Instead teach your child to discern the purpose of why they’re using technology.
Be Intentional
As adults, we often implicitly make decisions about what we need to accomplish (or our purpose) and how to best accomplish that goal. But even the best of us sometimes reach for screens unaware of our goal, just as we might mindlessly eat an entire bag of chips. Or we get caught in the endless scroll of engaging content. In these moments, we’ve forgotten to make an intentional choice about how we’re engaging.
Knowing how easy it is to get lost in content when you’re an adult who has a fully formed brain and skills for managing life, it’s understandable that we feel fear and guilt for our kids’ screen time. They’re still developing, still learning to navigate all sorts of situations. How can they not fall victim to the same engaging behavioral loops?
The more we can voice our intentions for screens and then engage kids in conversations to support thoughtful decisions, the stronger foundation we set. Teach them (and model for them) to set a timer for how long to play a game. Show them it’s ok to snuggle into the couch and get lost in a movie, so long as we intentionally decide that is our goal. Explain when you make mistakes, too. We’re all human.
Set Clear Expectations and Boundaries
Part of being intentional means establishing clear expectations and boundaries -- not only what devices or apps are allowed, for how long, and safety considerations, but also about how you might monitor their usage. Covert surveillance erodes trust. Open, honest conversations about media habits and check-ins means everyone is on the same page, and will set a strong foundation if/when you need to discuss challenging situations.
It can help to situate screen usage as part of being balanced and well-rounded in our activity choices. Danger often lies in extremes. Just as running a marathon every day or eating only broccoli is unsustainable, an unbalanced media diet can be harmful. Aim for a balanced approach that includes a variety of activities. Remember, quality time is more important than quantity. Focus on meaningful interactions rather than the amount of screen time.
Foster Connection Through Media
Find moments to engage in digital activities together in order to foster connection, conversation, and critical thinking. Whether it’s making a dance video together or exploring AI coloring pages, find ways to make screen time interactive and meaningful. Even asking a question or two about a video you watched together sparks curiosity and connection.
This is not to say that you have to spend every moment of screen time with your child, asking questions and discussing the deeper meaning. Many organizations, including the American Academy of Pediatrics, have recognized that the quality of time together around screens has greater impact that simply quantity of time.
“Rules focusing on content, co-viewing, and communication are associated with better well-being outcomes than rules focused on screen time.” (AAP, 2023)
By embracing screens as a tool for connection and curiosity, we move away from the all-or-nothing mindset around screens and instead shift to a Screen Smart Mindset.
Screen Smart Summer Ideas
If you need some ideas to get started on making the most of technology in a way that enhances family time and supports healthy development:
Make your own version of a popular dance video
Create a slow motion video of jumping in a sprinkler or another activity
Write reviews of places you visit (restaurants, parks, zoos, vacation spots)
Use a plant identification app to find out what’s in your yard, parks, and beyond
Ask generative AI to create customized coloring pages
Make an instructional video for a favorite recipe
Create a How To for a craft or project
Create a fan-fiction video of a favorite show
Take time to discuss what you watch together, encouraging critical thinking
Host a virtual talent show with friends and family
Create a family podcast by sharing stories, interviewing each other, and discussing favorite topics
Create a time-lapse video of a project like building a puzzle or growing sunflowers
Make a stop-motion animation short with everyday objects or toys
Explore astronomy with stargazing apps to identify stars, planets, and constellations
Create a virtual tour of your hometown with favorite spots and hidden gems
Watch a favorite movies in another language (with subtitles on)
Try online science experiments at home and record the results
Compose music together using digital instruments and music creation apps
Organize an online film festival for friends and family
Create a video diary of your summer with daily or weekly updates about what you’ve done and how you feel
Host a virtual storytime for younger family members or friends
Design and play a family trivia game with questions on family history, favorite movies, or summer activities
Develop a nature documentary of wildlife in your backyard or local park
Make a movie trailer for a movie, book recommendation, or favorite activity of the summer
Learn magic or card tricks with online tutorials, then film and share your performances.
Make pet videos to showcase your pets' talents and tricks
Remember, just pick one to start! Quality over quantity.
Decide What's Right for Your Family
Every family has to decide what is right for them. It’s a personal decision that has myriad factors. However and whenever a family chooses to engage with screens, we have to support families in learning and teaching foundational practices that can make the experience more positive and beneficial for everyone. Just as we learn to read, do math, or drive a car.
Dr. Carla Engelbrecht is a highly-selective mom, product leader, and internationally recognized expert on children’s education and entertainment technology. As founder of Betweened, she's on a mission to transform entertainment for kids and their families.
