Spam Your Kids (To Help Them Learn)
In a routine check of my daughter’s text messages, I discovered a thread with an unfamiliar name. We often look at texts together, but I happened to be solo during this check. Which turned out to be for the best, because this one sent me right over the edge.
Scrolling back to the top of the thread, my heart sank. She was texting with a complete stranger. Random, 13-year-old banter for the most part, except for when she shared where she went to school—personally identifiable information. So far, it was a benign conversation, but who knows what could've happened if I hadn't caught it in time?
Regardless, I was freaked out.
Pulling on the steps I teach so many parents, I took a breath. I gave myself 20 minutes to gather my thoughts and make a plan for the conversation.
“Hey! I was checking your texts. Who’s Joe?”
“He’s a student at a nearby high school.” Casual. No concern. I ask her questions like this all the time. It's usually just a friend from school.
“How do you know that? Do you know him in real life?”
“He said so.” Her words slowed as she realized I was headed toward something serious.
“He said so?”
Silence.
“He’s a stranger, right?”
She nodded.
And that’s when my calm started unraveling. I held on for a moment, but I couldn't contain it completely—I know too much about the risks.
A string of moderately frantic, unplanned phrases tumbled out—something like: “You never, ever text with someone you don’t know. And you certainly never, ever tell anyone where you go to school. This is why I do what I do. Do you know how dangerous this is? This is why we have rules.”
And then, a deep breath for us both. I recovered.
“I’m sorry. It really scares me to see you texting with a stranger.”
We continued talking about how the texts started and what had been said, that another friend was also texting with him (I made a mental note to follow up with that mom). Then my daughter apologized again and said, “It didn’t occur to me.”
And there it was. A lightbulb moment.
My daughter knew not to talk to strangers. She’s heard it a zillion times since she was little, but she didn’t have the mental map to apply that “stranger danger” lesson to texting. It just didn’t occur to her that the lesson she learned years ago on the playground applied here too.
This is what cognitive psychology calls context-dependent memory. It’s a lot like a classic study by Godden and Baddeley. They had participants learn words either underwater (while in scuba gear) or on the beach. Then they tested participants on their ability to recall the words, either while on the beach or underwater. (Side note, don’t you just love the weird scenarios in psychology studies?)
The results of the test? People were much better at remembering the words when they were tested in the same context they learned them. If you learned a word underwater, you were better at recalling it underwater. If you learned it on the beach, you were better at recalling it on the beach.
A friend sent me a photo of a worksheet her daughter completed in third grade about online privacy. On one hand, it’s great that kids are being taught about personally identifiable information. On the other hand, it’s terrible that it’s a literal 8.5 x 11” paper worksheet. Talk about learning that’s unlikely to transfer to a new context.
For both our daughters (and kids everywhere), the learning is happening on the beach (if it happens at all). But the tests are underwater. The contexts didn’t match.
We have to intentionally build our kids’ mental library of situations so they have enough examples to pattern match when new things happen. They need to see examples—lots of them—to know what to do when they’re faced with something unfamiliar.
So, please, spam your kids.
Okay, not literally. But show them the spam you receive. Show them the kinds of scams that are out there. This will help build their familiarity with real-world examples, making them more prepared when they face similar situations on their own. Some ideas:
Bank Phishing
One day, I got a “fraud detection call” that looked like it was coming from the official USAA phone number. The person on the other end had a phenomenally realistic script about unauthorized Zelle payment attempts. It wasn’t until they asked me to text them my password that I realized it was a scam. They had me up until that point, in large part because they were sophisticated enough to spoof my bank’s phone number. I’m practiced at this stuff and I still almost fell for it.
Random Texts
Sometimes, I get texts that just say, “Is this Carla?” I don’t respond. If it’s someone who actually knows me, they’ll identify themselves. So if you’re trying to text me, please tell me who you are upfront.
Scam Texts
“You have an outstanding toll charge. To prevent further fees, please settle your bill at invoicestollbymail.com.”
This text linked to a website that could pass as a poorly designed government page. But I don’t live in New York anymore, though I still have a New York area code on my cell phone. That’s probably why they targeted me. I Googled the URL—it’s a scam.
Email Invoice Phishing
Sometimes the email scams are obvious. Like when the subject line reads “Your Purchase Has Been ProcessedFYEMV21821004642of Plan”
But then it’s amusing to dig deeper and look at all the other cues.
This particular message was sent from someone’s gmail, not a business address.
It has a pdf attachment that’s labeled as a bill, but then is about unauthorized activity.
The phone number to call includes “-+1” as the country code.
Find More Examples Online
If you want a good laugh, check out Reddit forums where people share stories of messing with spammers. My favorites are the ones where someone manages to scam the scammer into giving them money—usually a dollar or so—to “confirm if the bank transfers are actually working.”
Use your judgment if you share these with your kids, though. It might give them ideas to try messing with spammers on their own.
Spam Nostalgia
Don’t ‘cha miss the good old days of spam? When it was all random Viagra messages and unclaimed fortunes from royalty in Africa? “Please send $5,000 to cover the administrative fees so we can confirm your account and release the fortune directly into your bank account.”
Scams these days are fancy. And sometimes frighteningly hard to detect (hello, nefarious use of AI…). And an unfortunate part of technology ownership. Giving kids examples means they practice critical thinking and healthy skepticism. Build their mental library so that they’re not caught off guard—so they don’t say, “It didn’t occur to me.”
Oh, and please spam your mom. Your parents probably need this lesson, too.
